My Last Two Years In Books: Or, The Reading Adventures of a Philistine

Twilight by Stephanie Meyers

New Moon by Stephanie Meyers

Eclipse by Stephanie Meyers

Breaking Dawn by Stephanie Meyers

It’s actually fitting that the Twilight series is my first entry. I read the series in its entirety in November, 2008. It was my first semester of teaching, and I was completely and totally miserable. I began to find ways to cope.

Joshua and I joined the New Orleans Athletic Club (NOAC), the second oldest gym in the country. Here, we ellipticalled and stairmastered to our hearts’ content among tall fluted columns, crystal chandeliers, and on parquet floors. There was even a library and a pool in traditional Roman Thermae form. But, working out was nothing new; I just took to it with a renewed vigor, burning something like 700 calories in 45 minutes on the elliptical.

While on the elliptical, I discovered Rachael Ray, whom I love unabashedly. Her woefully carniverous recipees (rich in EVOO! Or extra-virgin-olive-oil for those who are Ms. Ray novices) were my second coping mechanism, and I think I made Chicken Cacciatore once a week for months.

One night, I cracked open a book from our unused library at school and began reading. I’ve always loved reading, but I had put that passion on the shelf in college. Who wants to read after homework? But now, I began burning through the pages. I’ve read 62 books since that November.

About Twilight: I’ll admit it. I loved it. It’s overwrought and self-absorbed in the a way that only adolescents can get away with, but it’s epic. I love how strange and unexpected it is: a Mormon author writing about a teenage vampire romance? I thoroughly lost myself in the fantasy of glittery, non-human eating vampires in Forks, Washington. It was around this time that I began missing the Pacific Northwest. Bad.

Practical Magic by Alice Hoffman

Trying to recreate the totally absorbing qualities of Twilight’s vampire fantasy, I picked up Alice Hoffman. I loved the feel good movie, Practical Magic, when I was in high school, and I hoped that the novel would provide the same sort of escapism.

I’m not very good at remembering the details of books once I’ve read them, but I do remember overall imagery, and Hoffman is a master at that. One excerpt in particular talks about lemons, and I can just see the waxy yellow. She excels at metaphor and it’s in her comparisons that everyday people and objects are given their magical appeal. I’m never sure if her story is metaphor or magic, and I love how she blurs the line.

Camden Summer by LaVyrle Spencer

This is my trashy romance with a literary twist. LaVyrle may have made a fortune with her prolific genre writing, but as far as I’m concerned, she earned it. Her vocabulary is nothing to sniff at, and she’s even willing to write about ugly people. (Warning: some of her books suck; namely, November something, and another on this list. I really liked Small Town Girl, though.)

Dead Until Dark by Charlaine Harris

Living Dead in Dallas by Charlaine Harris

Club Dead by Charlaine Harris

Dead to the World by Charlaine Harris

Dead as a Doornail by Charlaine Harris

Definitely Dead by Charlaine Harris

Alltogether Dead by Charlaine Harris

Sookie Stackhouse, I love you! Once again, I ordered these books because of my new vampire kick, and I was not disappointed. I would also like to state (even though I’m aware that it is totally pointless) that I found them first. Twilight and Sookie Stackhouse. I began reading them before I even knew that the movies/TV show were about to come out. Same with Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. I am not a follower. I am THE LEADER.

Books one and two are a little slow going, but I really got into the shape-shifter, mind reader world by book three. In fact, I don’t really like the vampires at all any more. I think the shape-shifters, werewolves, and mind readers are so much cooler. The books even gave me my first sense of nostalgia for Louisiana, which is super hard to do when you consider how much I actually dislike living here.

Marked by P.C. And Kristin Cast

Betrayed by P.C. And Kristin Cast

Chosen by P.C. And Kristin Cast

Untamed by P.C. And Kristin Cast

Hunted by P.C. And Kristin Cast

I never said it would be pretty. When I revealed my penchant for adolescent fiction and romance to a coworker at school, he likened my reading to watching porn. I still haven’t forgiven him. Mean old man.

The House of Night Series - as you may have guessed - are another foray into the world of adolescent vampires, and you know what? I like it. So there. Zoey’s special powers and boy troubles are thoroughly absorbing.

Lucky by Alice Sebold

Sebold’s well-written memoir about when she was raped in college is so horrifying that you can’t look away. I read it in a day.

Made in the USA by Billie Letts

A complete and utter disappointment. I love Honk and Holler Opening Soon and Where the Heart Is, but this one sucked. I thought it might be her first, but actually it’s her latest. Not lookin’ good.

The Host by Stephanie Meyer

Not the hoped continuation of Twilight, but better than expected. The Host is aimed at an adult audience, and once again, Ms. Meyer creates a fascinating fantasy world. I’m also a sucker for end-of-the-world type stuff. Don’t know why.

Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants by Ann Brashares

The Second Summer of the Traveling Pants by Ann Brashares

Girls in Pants by Ann Brashares

Forever in Blue by Ann Brashares

If you’re making fun of me, go ahead. Once I wrapped my head around being a blogger, I started to reveal all sorts of embarrassing secrets; next, I’ll be confessing that I like country music. Whoops.

I love traveling. I love friendship stories, and I like adolescent fiction. Is this really so hard to believe? (If you're concerned about my emotional maturity, don't worry. I'm worried, too.)

Bitter Sweet by LaVyrle Spencer

Abysmal.

The Girl She Used to Be by David Cristofano

I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but I don’t read books by men. My attitude towards reading is this: total hedonism. I never seek out edifying entertainment. The really good stuff is stuff that’s both fun and edifying, but I’ll take fun over edification any day of the week. I am teaching kids from the project, after all.

Years by LaVyrle Spencer

Meh. I sort of goes on and on. It also sucks to read about schools a hundred years ago when your students are telling you to go fuck yourself every ten minutes.

The Tenth Gift by Jane Johnson

This is the first book I read while Josh and I were in Greece. I finished it in our hostel room in Athens while we were recovering from jetlag. I loved the Moroccan setting and the mystery.

The Utlimate High by Goran Kropp

Big. Strong. Cheeky. Bull! Oddly enough, this phrase actually doesn’t come from the book in question, but from the little Aborigine boy in Australia, the musical; however, Goran Kropp took Big Strong Cheeky Bull into a whole new arena. This stalwart Swede biked from his hometown in Sweden to the piedmont of the Himalayas. Once he got there, he packed everything he had brought onto his back and climbed Mt. Everest, without oxygen - twice. When he was done, he biked back again. I know what you’re thinking: holy fuck.

So, when Joshua and I were climbing up the not inconsiderable slopes of Greece, we would drop into our lowest gear, shout, “Big Strong Cheeky Bull!”, and try to harness Kropp’s implacable will.

Outlander by Diana Gabaldon

EPIC ROMANCE. Gabaldon is actually a great writer, and I love Jamie and Clare’s relationship.

The Blood of Flowers by Anita Amirrezvani

An interesting look at women’s lives in Iran a hundred years ago. The main character gains control of her life through weaving.

Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen

Fun story about animals and the circus.

The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold

I read this whole book on one ferry ride. Whether she’s writing about heaven or the suburbs, Sebold has a way of ferreting out the truth. This is one of the best books I’ve ever read. READ IT.

Sloppy Firsts by Megan McCafferty

Second Helpings by Megan McCafferty

Perfect Fifths by Megan McCafferty

I was bored by book two, so I skipped to book five. She ends up with the right man, just in case you were wondering.

Dark Lover by J.R. Ward

Absolute crap.

City of Bones by Cassandra Clare

Perfectly dreadful.

Dead and Gone by Charlaine Harris

Sookie breaks my streak of horrible novels.

Julie and Julia by Julie Powell

Julie is my blogging role model, and I love her crass sense of humor. I found the section on aspics particularly humorous.

The Lacuna by Barbara Kingsolver

Anyone who knows me knows that I love Ms. Kingsolver. I will never, ever cross her. That being said, the book is about a boy, and I was bored. Frida makes a guest appearance, but where are the women? Her writing, of course, did not disappoint, and I worship every last one of her knuckles, but I didn’t love it as much as her others.

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Ann Barrows

This story makes me want to be part of a book club. Interesting story about an island I never knew existed.

Voyager by Diana Gabaldon

SHE LEAVES HIM?!!! The whole book is about how Jamie and Clare are separated and grow old without each other! It’s awful!

The Memory Keeper’s Daughter by Kim Edwards

Meh. Definitely a better story and better written than most of the other books on my list, but as such, I judge it on a higher level, and it falls short. It’s just another bestseller paperback with the usual unusual premise.

Sea Glass by Anita Shrieve

Apart from the end - which was totally unexpected and uncalled for - I loved this book. I’m fascinated by the Depression Era and stories of thriftiness, and I loved the old wind blown house on the beach.

Peony in Love by Lisa See

Her feet are bound, she can’t see boys, she sees an opera, she “falls in love,” and then she starves herself. Ugh.

The Way Life Should Be by Christina Baker Kline

Well written chic lit. About a girl who moves to Maine and cooks; what’s not to like?

Love Walked In by Maria de los Santos

Another well written piece of chic lit. Unfortunately, I’m totally silver-screen illiterate (due to the fact that I’m absolutely bored to tears by old movies) and missed out on most of the allusions.

Without Reservations by Alice Steinbach

A perfectly fine travel memoir.

Oh My Stars by Lorna Landvik

Another Depression Era novel. I really liked the main character, and even though the title is thoroughly embarrassing, I enjoyed it.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson

I was attracted to the title for obvious reasons, and thankfully, the entire mystery (trilogy!) is just as fun.

The Witch of Portobello by Paulo Coehlo

Another book written by a boy. I know Coehlo is supposed to be amazing, but I thought it was so-so. It was an interesting premise, but I never really felt attached to any of the characters.

The Virgin Blue by Tracy Chevalier

This book has been sitting on my mother’s bookshelf for years. Finally, she was about to through it away, and I took the plunge. The problem is, it just looks to literary for me. I mean, a whole book inspired by a painting? It was actually very good. Although I wasn’t a huge fan of the ancestral story line, I really enjoyed the woman’s story of moving to France and getting to know her town and her self.

The Probable Future by Alice Hoffman

I have a feeling Hoffman’s writing all sort of feels the same, because The Probable Future was pretty indistinguishable from Practical Magic. That being said, she had lovely watery metaphors, and more of the same in this case isn’t half bad.

Into the Woods by Tana French

In the same vein as Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. I liked the two detective characters in this book even better than Larsson’s, but the mystery had an unsatisfactory solution (or lack of).

Patty Jane’s House of Curl by Lorna Landvik

I’m cringing just thinking about it.

Falling Angels by Tracy Chevalier

Not as good as The Virgin Blue.

Sweet Water by Christina Baker Kline

I liked this book. It’s not too adventurous in its undertaking, but it’s enough. A young woman moves into an old house in Tennessee and makes art. I love stories about home renovations. (Yup. I like HGTV, too.)

Girl with the Pearl Earring by Tracy Chevalier

Almost as good as The Virgin Blue.

Dancing with Cuba by Alma Guillermopieto

Guillermopieto has a great last name and a bit of skill, but the combination of her depression and Cuba’s unsuccessful sugar harvest is just a bit too… Well, depressing. And enough of the capitalist guilt. God, if renouncing capitalism means that you have to mold yourself into a revolutionary and spout communist propaganda all the time, count me out. I prefer the more vanilla socialism. Yes. I can have my cake and eat it too.

The Girl Who Played with Fire by Stieg Larsson

I swear I discovered this series before I even heard of the movie coming out.